I like to sing but I'm not very good.

Things I like to do (or would like to do) but I am not inherently talented in:
-Singing
-Dancing
-Playing a musical instrument
-Math
-Learning a new language
-Writing

The thing is this; I really want to be the person who is great at all of the things listed above, but is it realistic? Perfect example: I stinkin LOVE to sing, but I am not good. And by not good I mean really bad with no improvement in sight. I desperately want to be able to get up in sacrament and belt out an amazing chorus of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" but to be honest, I just don't see it ever happening. Is my limitation self imposed? Is it something my tormenting older brother instilled in me that Christmas season so long ago when he refused to allow me to sing with he and my older sister at our family concert? I don't have an answer.

I started Dancing at age four and didn't stop until sixth grade. I took two years off and resumed dancing as a high school cheerleader, but here's the thing: I'm not very good. I never ask my mom to get my cheer leading footage out to reminisce, I never ask to see my old recitals, I have never once seen any cheer competition videos. Why you ask? I am afraid when I watch them I will realize how bad of a dancer I really was. When I was about 10 my dance teacher asked if I'd like to try joining the competition jazz class, I attended once but after my first class, I was not invited back. As a sophomore in high school I'd missed a practice and my advisor, who was not my biggest fan, made me perform anyway. I really did not know the routine AT ALL but she told me I had to perform, no excuses. I went on stage knowing about two of forty eight counts and needless to say it didn't go so well. My relentless English teacher (also the football coach) didn't even tease me it was so bad. Point is I'm a dancer of eleven years and I have nothing to show for it.

I played the recorder in elementary school and I'm not going to lie, I was pretty good. I mean how can you mess up "Shortening Bread" but I'm pretty sure I can still play it. During 'Music for Minors' Wendy Clark, bless her heart for spending her Tuesday mornings teaching elementary school kids a love for music, I would always be assigned the triangle, the symbols, or the bells. Though I was happy to have the fun instruments classified as the 'toys' of the percussion family I always longed to play the piano, the violin, the guitar, or... dare I dream... the drums?! But it wasn't in the cards for me. For some reason Kenny and Hannah were deemed the 'musical' ones in the family. Showered with instruments and lessons until their hearts content. Can a twenty-five year old really pick up the piano?

Math is a subject I have always liked, and I have usually done pretty well in. I realized that this was my favorite subject early on when I realized there was only one right answer. Not only that but there are several ways to get to the same answer, but none the less there would only be one right answer. For some reason that is something I've always found comfort in. I have worked really hard in Math all of my life and though I would like to add this to my laundry list of talents, but I cannot. Math is something I have always spent a lot of time on. It does not come naturally. I'd wake up early and attend Math labs, stay after class and attend tutorials, work tirelessly weeks before the big test all to say Math is one of my strong suits. Now some may say that I have made it into a talent but this is not so, because sadly I have forgotten most of what I've learned. Although it is not something I have inherent talent in, I have made not a goal but a solomn vow: I WILL be able to help my kids with their Math homework at every given point through out their pre-college education.

I took Spanish one twice in high school. My first semester I did pretty well. I was attentive, turned my homework in, loved my instructor (what's not to love about a six foot six gay man who let's you paint his finger nails with pink sparkles?). But then after the first semester, we were allowed to choose our own seats and it was down all hill from there. I sat with the the other cheerleader in the class and two football players. These were not people I was particularly interested in getting to know better but they invited me to sit with them and I didn't want to be rude, big mistake. Every day the football players would talk endlessly about their teams. Monday through Wednesday they'd be discussing the weekend games, Thursday and Friday they'd be discussing the upcoming weekend match ups. I could not care less about football. I mean I know the rules, and I like the 49ers, but that's pretty much as far as it goes. My cheering cohort would drone on endlessly about her love life and shopping trips. After a few weeks of trying to serve two masters, I gave up and gave in to gabbing and gossip. I tried again the following year to make up for my bad semester but the teacher ended up making me her TA instead. Oh how I wish I'd learned even the most basic Spanish phrases...

Now on to my last, writing. This blog will hopefully aide in removing that one from the list. Ambyr was always the writer, and Kat is amazingly talented, they are my inspiration. I figure, I love to read, I can tell a good story, I just need to learn how to put it down on paper. Something about having so much time to sit and think about it makes me over think how it should be done.